After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
