I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
