My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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