I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
