I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
