i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
