I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
