He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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