better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
