I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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