I love black thongs
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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