two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
