I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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