All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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