YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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