My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
