Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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