I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
