you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
