he shaved USA in his pubs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
