I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
