Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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