You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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