things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
