I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
