wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
