I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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