If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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