After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
