Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
