There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
These tits shall not be calmed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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