So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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