So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
