i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
