Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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