Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
