I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
