I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
