I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
