i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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