I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
