come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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