i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
