Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
