Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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