It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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