I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
