I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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