I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
