i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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