I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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