i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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