i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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