you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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