There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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