Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
