The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
