He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
