His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
