I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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