Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
