we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
