I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
