he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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