Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
