i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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