cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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